Saying Yes to Saying No
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” Warren Buffet
Image courtesy of Unsplash
“Hustle or “grind” culture has become a constant fixture in our collective psyche. Social media is populated with stories of people bragging about their “side hustles,” which invariably demand early wake-ups and extra hours, on top of full-time jobs. The hustlers’ posts entreat others to join them in their lifestyle, to join their ventures, to drive themselves to never waste a moment. This hyper-productivity supposedly leads to happiness? Self-fulfillment? Other than sheer exhaustion, I’m honestly not sure what it results in.
Hustle culture’s underlying principle is always saying “yes” -- yes to more hours, yes to extra work, yes to proving your value through your labors. The implication is that a successful you doesn’t say “no.”
Saying”no” is hard. How many times have we heard someone praise the colleague who takes on extra projects and responsibilities? Or exalt the young person who works a full-time job and runs a small business on the side?
“Look at them! They work so hard! They’re so good!”
Women, in particular, have long faced gender-based societal expectations to be accommodating, selfless nurturers. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten progressively better at saying “no.” More confident in myself and less concerned about the opinions of others, “no '' comes a lot easier. But it’s been a long struggle, one that I’ve yet to completely conquer. As for my adult daughter, I often recognize in her a younger version of myself, saying “yes” to please others, even if it results in physical exhaustion and mental burnout. One note of optimism, however -- I recently saw her turn down an extra job because she realized how unhealthy it would be.
There’s hope that the tide may actually be turning against hustle culture. Gallup defines “quiet quitting” as “the idea spreading virally on social media that millions of people are not going above and beyond at work and just meeting their job description.” Gallup reports that quiet quitters who are “psychologically detached from their job” make up 50% of the American workforce.
The post-COVID workplace landscape has changed dramatically; financial losses for businesses and shifting mindsets about the role of work in our lives are driving the change. From employees who desire to remain in a work from home status to workers who are pushing back against increasingly outrageous employer demands, many are consciously choosing to prioritize their own well-being and just do the bare minimum.
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Perhaps the COVID years put things in perspective for us, pushing us to reject the toxic hustle culture, draw our own boundaries, and saying “no.” It’s an interesting dilemma, for sure. How much of ourselves do we owe our employers? Do they deserve the very best of us? Must we go above and beyond, even when the effort harms our physical and mental health?
Conversely, maybe quiet quitting is just the pendulum swinging in the opposite direction in trends and philosophy, a natural outgrowth of so many years of chasing success. Maybe quiet quitting has gone too far? Maybe it’s a disguise and an excuse for people to just “phone it in” at work and not be present or engaged. Maybe it’s too early to tell.
Striking the balance between saying “yes” and saying “no” is difficult. We have to be strong enough to advocate for ourselves while fully participating in our professional and personal lives. Ultimately we must make the tough choices and reject the activities and people who bring us down and embrace the opportunities to find our true selves.
