Gillian Anderson, Bill Clinton, and Me
No matter how advanced and intelligent we think we are, our society still leans into the charismatic leader, the person who holds us captive with their unique glance and attention, putting us under their spell and enthralling us with their attention.
We elect them, we attend their churches, we subscribe to their life philosophies. We can’t get enough of them.
As it turns out, even the rational, scientific Agent Scully is no exception. Gillian Anderson, who portrayed the skeptical, practical FBI agent in The X-Files, found herself entranced by former President Bill Clinton. She recounted her experience meeting him on Jimmy Kimmel Live!:
“He did the most miraculous thing in the world. You know that thing that he does where he shakes your hand and then he grabs your elbow at the same time? He like holds your arm further up. Slightly intimate little thing, makes eye contact.”
Oh, Gillian, babe, the exact same thing happened to me.
I had just given birth to my daughter. It was June 2003. I had a newborn who hated to sleep, and I was struggling with undiagnosed postpartum depression. I was at a really low point in my life, negotiating my way rather unsuccessfully through the uncharted waters of motherhood. I felt as if no one really saw me.
Look Up “Charisma” in the Dictionary and You’ll Find this Picture:
Photo/Unsplash
Bill was in town at a Brookwood bookstore, signing copies of his autobiography and greeting the public. My mom and her best work buddy had somehow snagged tickets for us to meet President Clinton and get our copies of My Life signed by the man himself.
I couldn’t wait. I fully admit that I was (and still am) a huge Bill Clinton fan. I offer no apologies.
Things did not go well.
The big day arrived. I kept trying to get myself together and get my daughter ready. My child would not cooperate, crying and demanding my attention. It felt as though she was purposefully trying to thwart my plans! I thought I was going to miss the whole thing. She did not understand the urgency of my date with Bill!
I was late, and I was stressed.
My saintly mother had purchased a copy of the autobiography for me and left it at the bookstore counter. When I rolled in (late), the workers told me my copy had disappeared. I was crushed. I think they all saw the desperation rolling over me like a doomed tsunami. They offered me a new copy to get signed, and I took it before they changed their minds.
I quickly made my way up in the line to Mom and Jackie.
I couldn’t wait to meet him. I couldn’t wait to actually talk to him! I felt like a pre-teen meeting her celebrity idol, stars in her eyes, the whole bit.
I caught up with them just in time. They were ahead of me. Each in turn talked to Bill, shook his hand, and got her book signed. They moved on to wait for me.
It was finally my turn.
He took my book. He shook my hand. He held my arm (just like Gillian!) and looked me in the eye. He literally made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. We talked about teaching (his mom was a teacher!), and he praised the work I was doing. Honestly, I felt like I was the center of his universe for that one isolated moment. He held me in the singular glance of his piercing blue eyes and nothing else existed besides the two of us.
For me, this meeting highlighted the impact of the compelling leader. We think we’re so sophisticated and so sure of our rational decision making, yet we are still held hostage by the charismatic figurehead, the one who makes us feel heard and seen. The Donald Trumps, the Jim Joneses, the John F. Kennedys, the Bill Clintons — they make us feel special and unique. That’s the appeal, for good or for bad. They influence our laws, our society, our culture more than we can ever possibly fathom.
Anyway, I remember how important President Clinton made me feel. I was a postpartum mom with all sorts of issues, and he brought out the best in me. He validated me. He saw me.
Photo/Unsplash
My mom and Jackie couldn’t understand why it was taking so long for me to get through the line.
My mom reminded me of this incident right after Gillian Anderson recounted her encounter with Bill.
“Do you remember what he wrote in your book?”
God. I couldn’t even remember. It’s been 19 years now. I remember so many details from that day, though, like it was yesterday. I remember feeling like I was the most important person in his life that warm summer day. But I don’t remember what he wrote in my book.
“How did he sign your book?”
“I don’t know. I forgot. Let me check. What did he write in yours, Mom?”
“Bill Clinton,” my mom said.
Two houses later, a kid in college later, it didn’t matter. I knew exactly where that book was.
“I went home, and this was in the days of answering machines, and I literally thought I was going to go home to a message from him,” Gillian Anderson told Kimmel referring to the moment. “I did, it was that real.”
I have told David about this encounter several times and again after the Gillian Anderson story came out.
He asked if I had expected Bill to somehow get in touch with me.
I really did. I was waiting on a call from the Secret Service that afternoon. They would know how to get in touch with me! I just knew it was going to happen!
I found my copy of My Life; it was on the shelf right outside my bedroom. I opened the front cover.
“Bill Clinton.”
That was all. Dammit.
